Scripture: James 4:1-8 “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”
Devotional: Most couples struggle with fighting from time to time. But if you find yourself experiencing this in excess, James has much to say about why you fight and what you can do about it.
According to James, most of our fights and quarrels come from our inner motivations and desires. We want what we want, and if our spouse stands in the way of that or disagrees, the battle ensues. We want to be right, to be in control, to have them act as we would like them to act… it goes on and on.
The good news is that James gives us a clear remedy, one that is simple, but not easy.
Submit to God.
When you’re angry with your spouse, submit to God. When you are at the end of your rope, submit to God. When things aren’t going your way, submit to God. When you feel as though your spouse will never change or things will never get better, submit to God.
When you and I can surrender our frustrations, hurts, and disappointments to Him, He can change our hearts. It is never within your power to change your spouse, but your actions in allowing God to work in and through you can change your perspective greatly.
Reflect:
- In what area do you and your spouse have the most conflict? Pray a prayer of surrender to God now, and submit to His work in this area.